paradoxdestruction

the one constant happy thing in my life.. hes gone.. i saw a sign and i know that hes never coming home. the sickness is over whelming, i can barely breathe or talk i don't know if i should be feeling like this most everyone i know wouldn't but then again everyone i know has me and other people i have no one all i ever had was him... im so lost -crying- he wont ever be there again .. and now im broken and lost. within a few months i wont even have the memory of where we both grew to love each other so much. it will be someone elses home. someone elses life... i love you baby.i wish you were laying with me tonight... for 8 years y

so.. have to get a second job and ive been looking real hard. first job will cover school, car bills and insurence, phone bill, etc. second job will cover living expenses because i have to move out. if not then i guess school is being cut out all together until i can aford it and live on my own. finding a cheat 1 bedroom place thats in a good area is getting to be a pain in the ass. making right under a grand a month isn't going to cover shit. don't have one damn person i can go to and expect an actual friend. can't tell them why i have to move and save as much as i can. couldn't even tell my best friend because im officially ashamed of my f

don't know what to do anymore.things are really hard and i can't talk to anyone.not like anyone's ever been there for me..i just wana do something stupid but i can't. . .or can't i.no one would see or notice because no one care's. -sad- going to a wake on wed. and a funeral on thursday.my only 2 days off and ill be more depressed then i am now.. i took out all my piercings.my ears are really infected.don't know when or if ill put them back in.it takes forever to do. things are bad...just need to release everything thats building up....can't function right. ...don't think anyone will want to talk to me if i start what im going to start doin